My heart to their hands

Like brown leaves

Drifting to the ground

The bows, my home

But I didn’t belong

The ground, my home

But I don’t belong

I don’t belong

I just don’t belong

Here

My first bout of depression was awful. Puppies? Didn’t love ‘em. Sleep? Couldn’t get enough. It’s like everything in your life just sucks. People who have never truly been in a depressive state do not understand at all. They want to say stupid stuff like, “Cheer up!”

“Make up your mind to be happy.”

“Go do something fun.”

Stop, just stop. I don’t want to feel anything but sad. I literally cannot think differently. My mind will not let me. Who wants to live like that? No one! So, please, don’t get on your soap box with your magic words…because trust me, if it were that easy…I would think myself out of this. Don’t tell depressed people to just get over it. They can’t. I know it sucks so bad to listen to them complain and be sad, and I would imagine they bring down your mood, too…but what they need is support. Just someone to listen. Someone to just BE there.

Let me put it to you this way: Remember that one time you go the flu super bad? You were exhausted, and laying in bed. You felt so sick that you just didn’t know if it would ever go away, and you were starting to forget a time when you didn’t feel like shit. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, and you just wanted to wake up and feel better…but NOTHING you did helped? Not medicine. Not chicken noodle soup. Nothing? Remember that?

Okay, now imagine your mom comes busting into your room and says, “GET UP! You have to go to work! You need to just think yourself better. Come on. Move. Stop thinking you’re sick. You’re not.”

That’s what it’s like when you tell a depressed person to just, “Get over it.”

First things first. I need to clarify that MY personal struggles in no way represent all people with Bipolar 2 disorder. We are each unique, and our experiences are unique. So, just keep that in mind.

With all the recent news coverage of Catherine Zeta-Jones lately, I have been infuriated with the response from the media. Bipolar 2 does not mean someone is crazy. It does not mean they can’t work and live productive lives.

I have been wanting to talk about my struggles with Bipolar 2, because, while it does not control my life, it is a very big part of my personality that I want people in my life to know about. When you understand me and when you understand Bipolar 2, we can learn how to support one another.

It’s extremely scary to come out and talk about a piece of yourself that no one understands. Bipolar and mental disorders are so misunderstood in our society. I don’t want to be associated with someone in a straight jacket, but alas, the majority of society believes that of people with mental disorders.

I assume that announcing to the world that you are Bipolar is a bit like coming out. One will face stigma, backlash, possible professional repercussions, etc. Thanks to Catherine Zeta-Jones, we are talking about it…but is what they are saying necessarily true? Who knows.

This is a slow coming out of myself. No pictures. No names. Just the words and feelings of someone with Bipolar 2…me.

The first thing that came to my mind when I heard about Catherine Zeta-Jones? “Me, too, Catherine. Me, too.”